Grammar hints

The Queensland Government is to introduce tests for teacher applicants in basic subjects. Here are some hints for prospective teachers on the teaching of grammar. They should be learned by heart.

1. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

2. Verbs has to agree with their subject.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. They’re old hat.

6. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

7. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

8. Be more or less specific.

9. Parenthetical remarks [however relevant] are [usually] unnecessary.

10.Also too, never use repetitive redunancies.

11. No sentence fragments.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalise.

15. One word sentences? Eliminate!

16. Don’t use no double negatives.

17. Analogies in writing are feathers in the wind.

18. The passive voice is to be avoided.

19. Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.

20. If you’ve heard it once you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole: not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

21. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

22. Go around the barn at midnight to avoid colloquilisms.

23. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

24. Who needs rhetorical questions ?

25. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

26. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

27. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations etc.

28. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

29. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

30. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ” I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.